Choose NOT to Trike

Riding a Trike is a phrase that should be reserved for children, in scenes like this:

 

Cute, right!

 



So am I wrong in saying that there is very little that is cute about the following scene:

 

O.K, the couple is cute, but not in the same way that a child is cute.

 

These people are trying to pose as bad ass motor cycle riders. Or at least, they used to pose as motorcycle badass riders and they used to ride motorcycles, and I used to have respect for their bad ass spirit, but somewhere along the way they decided to add a wheel, add three times the construction, add a couple of Lazyboy loungers, a mini fridge, a trunk for suitcases, a chandelier, picnic table, bunk beds, stand up shower, porta-potti (you don't even have to leave your seat), and full service food buffet. It's all there, under the hub caps, trust me.

Now, I have seen a version of true bad ass trike, or what is supposed to fool me into believing it is true bad ass material:

It's kind of Mad Max style, right?

 

But the major difference is; this trike is a) still a trike, and b) not made up of kick ass bits of stolen machinery, golf clubs, bones, bent radiators, mismatched hubcaps ripped off from terrified strangers attacked in the dessert and left to die. The dude on the bike might like to think that he is bad ass, but he is still gonna go home and drink a warm glass milk before bed...because he is essentially riding; a tricycle. That alone robs him of bad-ass-ness.

Let's look at one more:

Nice try, but this is a Big Wheel. Remember?????

What is the difference? Really? None.

No grown man should be seen cruising the streets on a big wheeler. The flames don't help. It just looks like a "hot wheels" toy. The flames take points away from bad-ass-ness.

Please, men, women, stick to motorcycles if you feel the need to be close to the road at high speeds with little protection from broken bones, crushed skulls, and scraping most of the skin from your body. The trike may be safer, but it is not safe enough to save you the humiliation of looking like an overgrown child with popiscle stains on your tee shirt, stepping back into playground days. Anyway, no biker should be able to bring a full meal, changes of clothes, stereo system, beer and a dart board along on the back of their bike while still having room for the family pets and a couple of guests.

No joke, I think this guy has the backyard pool in there!!!!